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Lessons Learned at Hooters

Clint and I met his sister's softball team (the Easton-Hooters Rockets) out for wings and beer this past Monday. They were celebrating their win (a 6' tall trophy) from the 50th Annual Bloomington Firemen’s Tournament the weekend before.

Anyway, at one point I had to use the "ladies'" room. I was 2nd in line, and even with only 2 stalls, I figured it wouldn't be too long of a wait. I was wrong. In each of the stalls was a Hooters girl, getting dressed either for the evening or for a photo shoot. Or both.

They were taking their sweet time, dilly-dallying while dressing and talking about modeling, and whether or not they needed to wear their white socks or not. Scintillating conversation, let me tell you.

One girl finally exited - typical "I'm-cute-but-there's-not-much-between-the-ears" - but the gal in front of me had a squirmy baby in need of changing, so she was taking her time controlling that whilst I waited for the OTHER Hooters chick to vacate the remaining stall. She was in no hurry, and when she finally got out of there her apparent lack of brains matched the first girl's.

Not to say that all Hooters chicks are less smart than servers in other establishments; just in MY experience (yes, I've been there several times) that's the story.

I certainly made people at the table laugh when re-enacting the conversation that occured while I was waiting in line. That being said, I might've offended someone who's daughter is actually...yup, you guessed it...a waitress at Hooter's. Oh well, can't please everyone.

Ok, so lesson learned. Pee BEFORE you get there, just in case. Also, if you do find yourself in such a situation, best to merely roll your eyes and take it out on the girls from the safety of your table...that is, don't spout advice (e.g., "who cares about your stupid socks, get OUT of there") because they're all in cahoots and then the girl serving your table will know it was YOU that was nasty and you won't get a drink the rest of the night.

Oh, and PS: when you say "I got 4th in a modeling contest" from behind the stall door, in a bathroom full of girls, you'd better be drop-dead gorgeous when you walk out, or else you're going to get elevator-eyed, judged, and found wanting. Either a) talk about that stuff when us judgmental females can't hear you, b) don't shout it like it's still true, or c) be honest and say that there were only 4 of you IN the contest.

All in all, it was a fun evening. The wings weren't that good, but beer is beer, and the company was good. Plus, I squirrelled away a few of the "wet naps" (they had sayings on them) to remind me that you can, indeed, learn things at Hooters.

Here are my 3 favorites:

1/2 of all people are below average. (Pssst: this goes for Hooters waitresses, too.)

Friction is a drag. (Short, sweet, and to the point. Like our server's hoots.)

If you can't be kind, be vague. (On one hand, our Hooters Girl was very kind. She was also kind of vague. Hmmmm....)